


Everyone Is Gay (Hooray!)

by holtzbabe



Category: Ghostbusters (2016)
Genre: Coming Out, F/F, Unintentional Snooping, actually this whole fic is just a pile of fluff and humour with a sprinkle of gay angst for flavour, baby bisexual erin, but there's a happy ending!, fondue drones, if you've never listened to Everyone Is Gay by A Great Big World you should, kevin continues to astonish me, protect her, the gay one, the gaybusters, trigger warning for accidental outing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-10
Updated: 2017-03-10
Packaged: 2018-10-01 22:58:40
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,201
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10202744
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/holtzbabe/pseuds/holtzbabe
Summary: Holtzmann accidentally finds out something about Erin, and isn't sure how to proceed.What do you do when you unintentionally-at-first-but-then-definitely-intentionally read someone's (very desperate) search history?





	

**Author's Note:**

> Hello, friends! Look at me posting non AU material! I started this fic...oh gosh, probably back in the fall? Annnd I didn't touch it for several months, then finally came back to it last night. Hope you enjoy!

Holtzmann never meant to find out like this.

She isn’t snooping, not intentionally. Well, not at first. Now…maybe.

It was a complete accident that lead her to this moment, sitting in front of Erin’s laptop as she reads her search history.

Really.

There was a very particular chain of events, starting with Holtz accidentally lighting her own laptop on fire, and ending with her needing to monitor a soon-to-be-ending eBay auction and Erin’s (un-password-protected) laptop being the closest.

In a hurry, she typed in the “e” and hit enter, like she would on her own computer, forgetting that Erin’s wouldn’t have the same autofill predictions. Instead of eBay, an eHow page loaded. Holtz was about to correct her mistake when she noticed the title of the article.

_How to Tell Your Friends You’re Bisexual_

She stared at it for a while. And then a while longer. And then, even though her auction was ending soon, and she’d been trying to hunt down an antique butter churner for ages, she pulled up Erin’s search history. She had to scroll for a bit, past a good week worth of boring searches, but then she saw a long string on the same day as the eHow page was accessed.

That’s what she’s currently looking at.

_How do I know if I like women?_

_How do I know if I am bisexual?_

_What does being gay feel like?_

Erin uses correct grammar for her Google searches. The realization would make Holtz smile, but the desperation in the searches is making her heart hurt.

_Am I bisexual?_

_Am I bisexual? Quiz_

_Gay quiz_

_Help, I think I might be bisexual. What do I do?_

_How to come out_

_How to come out as bisexual_

_How can you tell if you’re just gay for one person?_

Holtz chuckles and shakes her head.

_What do you do when you’ve fallen for a coworker?_

Holtz freezes. This is an invasion of privacy. What is she doing? She hurriedly closes the window and slams the laptop shut, replacing it exactly where it was on Erin’s desk.

Everyone else has already gone home for the night. She had intended to work much later, but suddenly she doesn’t feel like it. She secures the lab, grabs her coat, and heads for home.

She’s going to pretend she never saw any of that. That’s the right thing to do. She can do that.

***

She can’t do that.

She knows Erin must be struggling right now, and the thought is tearing Holtz up. It’s not an easy thing to come to terms with, and Erin is…well, Erin is Erin. Holtz _thought_ she seemed off lately, and she had been meaning to ask if she was okay, but recently she can never manage to get any alone time with Erin. It’s almost like she’s been avoiding Holtz, which…

Ah.

Okay, now that she knows Erin _is_ avoiding her, she’ll have to try a little harder to hunt her down. Maybe if she gently inquires about Erin’s well-being, Erin will spill everything. It’s not that she wants to force Erin out of the closet, _definitely not,_ just that she wants to be able to help. She doesn’t want Erin to go through this alone.

Two days post-discovery, Holtz slides down the firepole. Seconds after her boots have hit the floor, Erin leaps up from her desk and snatches her coffee mug.

“Erin!” Holtz calls. “I was just coming to talk to you.”

“I was just going to get more coffee,” Erin replies brightly. “Maybe we can talk later.”

“I’ll tag along,” Holtz says. She jogs over to Erin, who looks like she’s trying to come up with an excuse. “I just need your eyes on an equation,” Holtz adds quickly, hoping to placate some of Erin’s anxiety.

“Okay,” Erin says after a long pause.

They head up to the kitchenette on the third floor. Holtz doesn’t say anything, and hovers at the edge of the kitchen as Erin puts on a new pot of coffee.

“What was it you wanted me to look at?” Erin asks, her back to Holtz.

“I’ll show you in a bit.” Holtz swallows and licks her lips. “Hey, are you…okay? Lately you’ve seemed a little…”

“I’m fine!” Erin replies, too fast to be convincing. Holtz notices her hand clench around the handle of her mug. She doesn’t turn.

“Okaaaay…well, if you ever want to talk…about anything…I’m here, kay? You know you can tell me anything, right?”

There’s a pause, and Holtzmann can practically _hear_ Erin thinking.

“Right,” Erin squeaks out, and it sounds incredibly forced. She spins around. “You know, I just realized that I’ve already had too much coffee today.” She’s got an unnatural smile stretched across her face, almost a grimace, really. “I should get back to work.” She sets her mug down on the counter with more force than necessary and practically flies from the kitchen, blowing past before Holtz can even reply.

Oooookay, then. Back to the drawing board.

***

Another few days pass, and Erin seems to only get more miserable. Obviously, Erin she doesn’t feel like she can talk about it to them. That thought is kind of heartbreaking. Unless…maybe she just doesn’t feel like she can talk to _Holtz_ about it? Maybe she’s already talked to Abby and Patty about it.

There’s only one way to find out.

“Abbyyyyyyyyy,” Holtz crows.

“What now?” Abby calls from downstairs. “Did you have another accident?”

Holtz rolls her eyes. “For your information, this workplace has been accident-free for—” She glances at the burn on the back of her hand from when the soldering iron slipped earlier that morning. She was distracted thinking about Erin. She coughs— “Never mind. I just need your help. It’s urgent. Come up here.”

“Can Patty come instead?”

“Oh, hell no. I ain’t stepping foot in that lab.”

“What about Er—”

“Abby my dear, I need you and only you. Quickly? Before this prototype combusts?” Holtz leans back in her chair and waits.

She hears muffled swearing and then the sound of Abby running up the stairs. “What the hell?” she says when she reaches the top and sees that Holtz is sitting in the swivel chair at her desk instead of working at any number of dangerous workstations in the lab.

“Hello to you too, Abigail. Sorry, I knew you wouldn’t come up without threat of city-wide destruction.”

Abby sighs. “Do you actually need my help, or is this another one of your invention pitches?”

Holtz does a lazy spin with the chair and taps a pencil against her lip. “I actually need your help, but remind me to tell you later about Fondue Drones, patent pending.”

Abby plants her hands on her hips. “Okay, what’s up? Hit me.”

Without missing a beat, Holtz lobs the pencil at Abby. It hits her arm and falls to the floor. Abby stares at it for a moment, then looks up. “Not your best work.”

“I’m off my game.” Holtz claps her hands together. “Hey, what a perfect segue into our topic of discussion.”

Concern crosses Abby’s face and she comes to sit on the edge of the desk. “You okay?”

Holtz waves her hand. “I’m fine. I’m worried about Erin, though.”

Abby raises an eyebrow. “Oh?”

“She’s seemed a little off lately, and I was wondering if she’s…said anything to you?”

“Really? She seems fine to me.” Abby cocks her head. “You could ask _her_ if she’s okay.”

“I did. She said she was fine—”

“There ya go.”

“—but she didn’t sound convincing at _all_. And she’s been avoiding me. That’s why I thought maybe she’d tell you…something…before telling me.”

“I don’t know what to tell you. It’s Erin. You know how she is.”

Holtz grunts.

“Is that all you needed to talk about?” Abby asks, already standing up.

“Yes. Wait, let me pitch you Fondue Drones before you go! Okay, so picture this: tiny drones that fly your food through fondue so you don’t have to do it manually. Brilliant, right?”

***

Holtz is back to square one. Erin is scared to tell them, or doesn’t feel like she can for whatever reason.

The idea comes to Holtz like all her ideas do—in the middle of the night. The next morning, she shows up at the firehouse bright and early, plasters informative posters on all the walls, and goes upstairs to wait.

Abby arrives first, and shortly after, Holtz hears her feet on the stairs like expected. When she gets to the top she’s holding one of the papers.

“‘ _Family meeting, 12:00_?’ Meeting about what?”

“You’ll see,” Holtz singsongs.

“Is it serious?”

“You know what’s serious, Abby? Skin instantaneously melting off everyone in the city if I don’t connect these wires just right.”

“Jesus.” Abby backs up, hands raised.

Holtz just smirks.

Later she hears Erin come in, and Patty, and presumably Kevin—although if he notices the bulletins then he doesn’t comment on it like the others.

Holtz continues working, business as usual, until one minute to noon. Then she slides down the firepole to where the others have already gathered, and strides towards them, rubbing her hands together.

“Holtzmann, what’s going on?” Abby still looks worried.

“What’s this meeting about?” Erin sounds nervous.

“I’m sure you’re wondering why I’ve gathered you all here today.”

“We literally just asked that,” Patty says.

“I have something to tell you,” Holtz continues, ignoring her. “Something big.”

Erin, if possible, looks even more nervous.

“Something to do with me,” Holtz adds quickly.

“Is it about how you’ve been bringing your children in to work occasionally? Don’t think we didn’t notice. Whole lab smells like rat shit.” Patty shakes her head.

“ _Chinchilla_ shit. And no, although I’m glad you already know about that. Now I don’t have to hide them.”

“They’re going to end up radioactive.” Abby sighs. “Speaking of, is it about whatever machine you’re building? Did something bad happen? Do we need to go into hiding for a bit?”

“Pssh, as if she’d tell us. Girl wouldn’t even tell us about lab explosions if we couldn’t _hear_ them.”

“That’s true. No, not invention-related.”

“Did you decide to join my ultimate Frisbee league?” Kevin asks excitedly.

“ _Can I?_ ” Holtz pauses and focusses. “Let’s discuss that later. I’m intrigued. No, still not it.”

“Are you leaving?” Erin says in a small voice. “To work somewhere else?”

Holtz’ mouth falls open. “Leave? When I’ve got the coolest job ever with the coolest people ever? I’m going to be here _forever_. CERN can suck my—”

“What is it, Holtzmann? Just tell us.” Abby rolls her eyes. “We’re going to be here all day.”

“Right.” Holtz is still trying to process the preposterous notion of her leaving. As if she could ever— _would ever_ —leave this. Leave Erin and Abby and Patty and Kevin. For what, _money?_ Prestige? Rules about how many lab fires are acceptable? Stuffy colleagues?

“Holtzy?”

“Yes, yes. So, big announcement. About me. There’s something that I’ve wanted to tell you guys for a while, but I was a wee bit scared about how you’d react. Then I said to myself: ‘Holtzy, this is your family and they love you, and they’ll accept you no matter what.’”

Abby nods. “Even if you cause a nuclear war.”

“ _When_ she causes a nuclear war.”

Holtz winks at Patty. “Annnyyyyway, here goes.” She takes a deep, exaggerated breath, and spreads her arms wide. “I AM A LESBIAN.”

There’s a few seconds of silence, and then Abby and Patty burst into laughter. Erin is silent. Kevin looks confused. Course he does.

Patty wipes tears from her eyes and stops laughing just long enough to say, “You serious? Baby, we know.”

Holtz crosses her arms and smirks. “How? I’ve never said anything. Did you stereotype me based on my incredibly gay combat boots? My hair? My _vests?_ ”

“No, dumbass,” Abby wheezes, “you make a gay joke like, once a week.”

“And you’re always flirting with…” Patty looks directly at Erin. “...women.”

Holtz taps her chin. “Yeah, you got me there. Whelp, I just wanted to affirm the fact that this is a loving and supportive family, and that we’re all okay with gayness of any sort. Right?”

“Duh.” Abby is still clutching her sides.

“Of course, crazy.”

Erin is still quiet. And staring at the floor.

“What’s a lesbian?” Kevin’s face is all screwed up in confusion.

Does he really…not know? Actually…yeah, who would be surprised. Holtz laughs. “It means I date women, Kev.”

“Oh!” Kevin looks thoughtful for a moment. “I’m not a lesbian, then.”

Holtz snorts. “No, that’s for sure.” Then she considers that. “Wait, do you mean…Kev, do you date women?”

“I just said I’m not a lesbian!”

“No, but do…who _do_ you date, Kevin?” Then Holtz backpedals, realizing what she’s just asked. “I mean, you don’t have to tell us, but…”

“Jack!” he replies brightly without missing a beat.

“Is that…do you have a boyfriend, Kevin?” Abby’s staring at him in amazement.

“Yes! He’s on my hide and seek team. He’s really good.”

Holtz claps her hands together excitedly. “That is so fantastic. Aw, Kev. Even Kevin knows that he can share his sexuality with us!”

“I don’t think he’s aware that it’s something out of the ordinary _to_ share,” Patty mutters.

“REGARDLESS! I’m proud of you, Kevin.”

“Thanks, Herman! I was really proud of us for making it to the finals, too.”

“Right, that too, but I meant about coming out.”

“Oh, no, you can’t come out of your hiding place! You have to wait to be found! Maybe that’s why your team didn’t make it past the quarter finals.” He frowns.

They all stare at him for a few moments.

“Okaaaay,” Abby says. “Well, while we’re sharing…I’m asexual.”

Erin speaks up for the first time since Holtz dropped her bomb. “What’s that?” she asks quietly.

“It means I don’t experience sexual attraction. I still desire romantic relationships, though.”

Erin nods slowly like that makes perfect sense. “Do you…want a romantic relationship with men, then, or…”

Abby shrugs. “I’m not picky.”

“Not picky, I like that,” Patty says. “I mean, I’m mostly straight, but, you know…I’m flexible.”

Holtz grins widely. “EXCELLENT. Can we change our name to the Gaybusters?”

“That makes it sound like we fight gay people,” Abby points out.

“I have to go upstairs,” Erin says abruptly, standing and taking off before any of them can blink. They watch her retreating back as she runs up the stairs.

“Is she homophobic?” Patty says, confusion colouring her voice. “Because I thought maybe she…”

“I’ll go check on her,” Holtz says quickly. She bounds up the stairs after Erin. Crap. Did she go too far with this? She had no idea it was going to turn into a coming-out fest. That’s not what she intended at all. Erin probably felt totally put on the spot.

She’s planning on going all the way to the third floor to look for Erin, but when she reaches the second floor landing she happens to see movement in her peripherals. There, sitting at one of Holtz’ work benches and looking morose, is Erin.

Holtz walks tentatively towards her, trying to keep from making any sudden movements as if Erin’s a woodland creature that mustn’t be frightened. “Erin?”

Erin looks up to meet her gaze for a moment, then directs her attention back at the table in front of her. Holtz hesitantly sits down beside her but remains quiet. She’s not sure what to say. If she’s already botched this, she doesn’t want to make it any worse.

They sit in silence for a few minutes. Erin’s is fidgeting with her fingers and staring at nothing.

“I recognize how bad this looks,” Erin says finally.

“Hmm?”

“Running off after your announcement without saying anything.” Erin inhales. “It makes me look like a terrible person.”

“It’s okay, Erin. I know you’re not,” Holtz murmurs.

Erin looks up so suddenly and so intensely that Holtz feels her breath catch. “I’m really proud of you for telling us, Holtz. That must have been really hard.”

Holtz considers that. Truth be told, that was the first time she’s ever come out. She’s never had to. People always just seem to know. But was it hard? Well…actually, now that she thinks about it, there _was_ a bit of nervousness that she hadn’t anticipated. Especially considering that she knew that all of them knew already. She can’t imagine what Erin is going through.

Holtz chooses her words carefully. “It was a little hard. But I meant what I said—this is a loving and supportive family, and I knew it would be okay.”

Erin nods and stares back down at the bench. She sucks in a breath. “Can I ask you something?”

“Absolutely.”

“When did…how did you know? That you were…gay?”

“I kind of always knew,” Holtz answers honestly.

Erin’s face falls as if that wasn’t the answer she wanted to hear.

Holtz takes a chance. “But, I know a lot of people who didn’t know until later in life. Way later.”

Erin glances up, her expression calculating. That big beautiful brain of hers is doing some thinking, that’s for sure.

“Holtz…” she says.

Holtz waits. She tries to look as encouraging as possible, without revealing that she knows what’s coming.

“I think…I think I might be…I think I’m bisexual.” The last word is whispered.

Holtz reaches out to gather Erin’s hands in her own. “I am _so_ proud of you for telling me. Whatever you’re feeling, I know it’s scary, but I’m here for you. Okay? I’m so happy that you feel like you can trust me.”

Erin stares for a few moments. “You knew, didn’t you.” Her face crumples. “Is it that obvious?”

“Uhhhhhhh…” Holtz stalls. “I…suspected…becauseIsawyoursearchhistory.”

Erin pulls her hand away and covers her face. “Oh my God.”

“I’m so sorry, Erin. I didn’t mean to. I was using your computer the other day and stumbled across it by complete accident. I haven’t said anything because I didn’t want to force you to tell us before you were ready. But I hoped that maybe if I showed you that you had nothing to worry about, you wouldn’t be so scared.”

“So all of this was just a plan to get me to tell you?” Erin sounds hurt.

“Shit. No. I didn’t expect all that other stuff to happen, and for everyone to join in. I realize now it was a crappy plan. I just didn’t want you to feel alone in this. I’m sorry.”

“Thanks, Holtz. I know you only meant well.” Erin sighs. “This is just…so hard.”

“I know.”

“Do you, though? You just said that you’ve known forever. It took me four _decades_ of my life to realize this, and I feel like an idiot.”

Holtz reaches for Erin’s hand again. “You’re not an idiot. You’re the smartest person in this building.”

Erin scoffs.

“I’m serious. The reason you didn’t know until now is that society taught you that you should be straight, and you accepted that as scientific fact because that’s what we _do_ with facts. You’re not alone, Erin. You’re right, I might not understand what that feels like, but I do know that you’re not alone. Lots of people don’t realize until later in life. Some people go nearly their entire lives without realizing!”

“Really?”

“Really. Anything and everything that you’re feeling is normal.”

“I have no idea what I’m _doing_ , though! This is all so new to me, and it seems like everyone else knows what they’re doing, and I feel like there’s this _club_ and I don’t know enough to be a part of it, and—”

“Oh, the Gay Club? Yeah, if you don’t own at least three flannel shirts, we won’t let you in,” Holtz deadpanned.

“What? See, this is what I mean!”

“Nah, I’m kidding. Seriously, though, it’s a lot less intimidating than you think. If you like women, or even _think_ you like women, you’ve already done everything you need to do. End of story.”

“How do I know?”

“Well, not a Google quiz. I dunno, man. I think the fact that you’re questioning at all tells me something. Straight women? Don’t do that so much. But Erin, you don’t have to know. You never have to know for sure. It’s okay to just _be_.”

“I don’t know how to do that, though. I _need_ to know things. It’s who I am! But it doesn’t seem to matter how much I think about this, and how many Venn diagrams I make, and how many Google searches I do, I just can’t arrive at a conclusion.”

“I get it. It’s stressful to not know things, especially something like this. And I don’t have any answers for you.”

Erin groans, loudly.

“I still don’t know what I’m doing, though. It’s all well and good in theory, but I don’t know _anything_ about dating women. I don’t understand the rules. Who’s supposed to pay on a date? Who asks out whom? It’s all so confusing!”

“Hey,” Holtz says gently, “I can help you through that stuff.”

Erin looks at her with a smug sort of interest. “Really?”

“Uhhhh…I mean…uhhhh…” Holtz tugs at the collar of her shirt. The temperature in the lab is rising. Shit, maybe one of the reactors is about to go nuclear.

“Relax, I’m kidding,” Erin says with a laugh.

“Ah. Right. Of course. Uhhh…I think I hear something threatening to explode. I should go—”

She tries to move but Erin tethers her in place. “Holtzmann.”

“Mmm?” Holtz looks over her shoulder for an escape route.

“Thank you. For talking to me about all this.” Her voice and smile are genuine. “Oh, and I forgive you for looking through my search history.”

“I’m glad I could help. Do you think you’re going to tell the others?”

Erin considers that. “I didn’t think I could, but...yeah. Yeah, I think I am.”

“What, now?”

“Yes,” Erin replies, firm as Holtz’s abs. “Will you come with me? Or is the building going to explode?” She lilts this last part, teasing. Busted.

“I’ll come.”

***

They’re back in their little circle. Abby and Patty look a little concerned, and confused. Kevin also looks confused, but probably for a different reason, bless his heart.

“I know the conversation has kind of passed,” Erin says, “but there’s something I want to say.”

Everyone looks to her with interest.

“What is it?”

Erin squeezes her eyes shut. “I’m bisexual.”

A few seconds of silence.

“Hey, go Erin!” Patty claps her on the back. “Proud of you, baby.”

“Wow,” says Abby, “me too. Didn’t see that coming.”

“Ditto,” Holtz says, and winks at Erin.

“You’re a bicycle?” Kevin asks.

“Yeah, Kev, I’m a bicycle.” Erin rolls her eyes.

Kevin considers that. “I’d ride you.”

Erin chokes. Patty’s laughter starts up again, and soon they’re all clutching their sides. Except Kevin, who looks confused as always.

Of course he does.

***

After they’ve all calmed down, and returned to their respective work, Erin joins Holtz upstairs again where she’s running data points.

Holtz swivels in her chair. “That went well. How do you feel?”

Erin contemplates that. “Good. I feel good. Lighter. Like I could take on the world.”

“I’m happy for you, Er.” Holtz grins over her clipboard.

“Holtz?” Erin says.

Holtz can practically see the confidence burning under her skin. It’s in the way she’s carrying herself, the authority in her voice. “Yeeesss?” she drawls.

“We should go out sometime. On a date. So you can show me the ropes.”

Holtz smirks. Well, that was unexpected. “Hell yeah. How do you feel about Bulgarian food and racquetball?” She mimes a swing with her clipboard.

That throws Erin a bit. “Uh…I don’t know. But I’m willing to try anything.”

“Perfecto. Tuesday?”

“Who schedules a date on a Tuesday?”

“Hey, you wanted to know the rules.”

“Tuesday dates are a gay rule?”

“Nah, Tuesday dates are a ‘dating Jillian Holtzmann’ rule. The only kind you need to pay attention to.” She winks.

“Smooth.” Erin laughs. “Tuesday it is.”

“See ya then, my favourite maybe-bisexual gal.”

“Roger that.” Erin lifts her fingers in a slightly-sloppy attempt of Holtzmann’s signature salute. “Did I do that right?”

“Close.”

“See, I’m getting better at this already!” Erin waves and makes her way for the stairs.

Holtz frowns. “Wait, what do you mean? That’s not a…” she trails off and looks down at her fingers.

Erin grins back at her. “You don’t know? Wow, it feels good to be the informed one. Maybe you should do a little Googling of your own. Did you know you’ve got yourself a fan base?”

“Whaaaaaat?” Holtz pulls her brand new, hopefully more fireproof laptop towards her. This, she’s gotta see.

“See you later, Holtz,” Erin calls.

“Bye- _bi_ , Erin!”

“Was that a bisexual joke?”

“Get used to it!”

Erin’s laughter echoes down the stairs as Holtz types rapidly into the search bar.

_jillian holtzmann salute_

45,000 results. Well, she’ll be damned.

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> [Tumblr?](http://jillbert.tumblr.com) And while you're there, follow [JNH](http://lil-peanutt.tumblr.com) too.


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